|| S I L E N C E ||

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Trapped in her own mind, she was forced not to speak of the evil.

                                                                Silence

                I chose this photo because it describes the depth of my childhood and upbringing to modern day. When I was 2 years old, my mother and father (both 19) split their separate ways and because they weren’t married I don’t say that they divorced. My mother left my father because all throughout their relationship he was abusive towards her but it worsened during her pregnancy with me. When I was born she was terrified that he would hurt me so she had to leave and find a safe place that he couldn’t track her down. I was told never to speak of this between visits with my father and my actual household as it would only cause conflict so I kept silent.                               When I was 8 years old, my mother got with my now step-father Thomas Jr. or “Tommy” which I call him up to date. Me and him didn’t get a long as I have always one who spoke of my opinion and I was stubborn as a bull which my mother tries to connect with my “zodiac animal” which is an actual bull. He was cheating on my mother for a period of time with another woman I will not speak of, but I acted like I didn’t know. I kept silent. I let them deal with it on their own time as the only reason I knew was because I was a nosy child and I would listen to my aunt and mother talk in my parents’ bedroom.                                                                                                                   When I was 13 years old, I began to make bad decisions. I never have done drugs. I didn’t have sexual relations. I just tried to act older than I actually was which made my mother uncomfortable because well, she herself was a young mother. My mother and I got into physical conflict multiple times because of our communication issues. The first thing we did was seek therapy. During therapy I was told to stay silent about the physical and mental abuse done towards me as it would only end with me and my 2 younger siblings being taken away by child-protection services. I did as I was told and kept silent. The conflict began to slow around a little after my 15^th birthday which just came with my maturity and my mother and I began to see more in each other than negative thoughts.                                                                                                                                      Now at 17 years old, my silence is over with. I no longer stay silent about my issues because I believe I have a voice and my story deserves to be told just like everyone deserves theirs to be told. I believe every individual is different and to figure out that conclusion we would have to speak of our stories and how they affected who we have become. In order to let people know that they should be allowed to speak of their own story, I comfort them and I ask questions to know more about them because I want to show that I truly care because I do. I always wanted that feeling as a child. I wanted to feel like someone was there for me. Though because of the abuse and the mental state I was in during my early teen-hood, I can come off as aggressive if so I am a bear but at the same time I want to appear soft and approachable like a teddy bear.

                                                                                                                            

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    One Pager:                                                                                                                  

One of the biggest controversies in America at the moment is the legalization of same-sex marriage, LGBTQ+ rights, TRANS Rights exc. Many of my peers do not agree with LGBT rights because of their biases or beliefs that come with their guardians’ guidance or their religion. I also have many peers who agree with LGBT rights most of which are LGBT themselves. We as a group receive many inappropriate comments such as “Dykes”, and “Attention seeking liberals.”                 

In the film “Growing Up Trans” by PBS Frontline several LGBT youth under the age of 10 talk about suicide. A child states that they don’t feel right being the gender they were assigned which now speaking of the subjects brings me to the fact that almost every child in the documentary mentioned that they didn’t feel right in their own skin that was assigned to them at birth or their assigned sexual orientation. Many of the children were called inappropriate comments such as, “ugly dyke” and “lesbian” which led them to suicidal thoughts. One child was afraid that post surgery of their lower half that they would still be able to produce sperm which she didn’t want for herself.                                                              

I believe if you have to will and motivation to change something about yourself no matter what it is you can do it if you put your mind into it. I have seen a lot of religious, sexual ,and political biases around recently. People will always have biases no matter what. 100 years from now we will have biases. While we are making progress to equality, there will always be those who have been taught that equality is wrong. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community can make you feel insecure and paranoid at first but then you start to feel more at ease with yourself because you are a part of a movement so be proud of what you have done for yourself. You are you and that is what matters.