Who are you?

I know how you feel, it’s hard to understand. You feel like two different people, your feelings and mood are always in flux. Today, you’ll feel like an emotionless robot who doesn’t let anything get to them. Tomorrow, you’ll be an emotional wreck, you’ll be on-edge and your mood will be going from one end of the ‘spectrum’ to the other. You hate that you care too much about everything, you just want to feel at-peace for once. But let me tell you something, one day you’ll look back on all the shitty things you had to endure, and you’ll realize something very important about yourself. At the end of the day, you’ll realize how much stronger all of this made you, and even though you like to contain your emotions, you’ll learn to embrace them. You’ll learn that it’s okay to be emotional, but you will learn to not let every little thing get to you. One day, those two ‘people’ will come together as one and make something amazing.

Rationale: With both my portrait and flash fiction, I tried to focus on expressing how I feel like two different people. Focusing on the portrait, I used the black and white filter so that only two colors would be present, connecting to the ‘two different people” idea. Another edit I did was apply some blur to the picture, as to say that who I am as a person is "blurry". I also didn’t show my face in the picture so that it would reflect how I don’t have one “defined” face, so my face can just be up for interpretation to the reader as to which “person” it is. I also took the picture at the gym because when I’m emotional, that’s where I go to calm myself and release a lot of anger.

                Focusing on the flash fiction, I wrote it in the second-person. I wrote it as if I was a future version of myself giving advice to a past version of me when I am just trying to figure out who I am as a person in moments of self-reflection. I also touched a bit on my past and how it has shaped those two personalities, but I didn’t make it more of a focus because I thought it would take away from the main focus, that being the two personalities. 

                One-Pager: What causes your personality to be the way that it is, and is your personality “set in stone” or does it change? When it comes to these difficult questions, most people believe that over the course of your life your personality doesn’t change. They also believe that a large part of your personality is shaped by your parents, that you receive a lot of their traits. Personally, I believe our personalities are always changing, based on our life situations, and our surroundings. Essentially, I believe that our identities are shaped by our experiences in the past.

            After listening to a podcast in class, my belief was only strengthened. In a radio podcast titled, “The Personality Myth”, Alex Spiegel challenges the notion that our personalities don’t change. One of her main points, involves an inmate in prison: “One of the first prisoners she met was a man named Dan. He had the word "hatred" tattooed on the back of his neck. But as soon as she started talking to Dan, Cohen completely forgot about the tattoo. His personality didn't seem to have anything to do with hatred.” She included this story to show that over time, peoples identities can change, even people who have done horrible things in the past can re-shape themselves. Another argument that was key to persuading me, included a statement from a psychologist Lee Ross: “The point, Ross says, is that ultimately it's the situation, not the person, that determines things.”People are predictable, that's true," he says. "But they're predictable because we see them in situations where their behavior is constrained by that situation and the roles they're occupying and the relationships they have with us.” I think the fact that an esteemed psychologist agrees with her argument, really strengthened it as a whole and sold me on this idea that personalities are ever-changing.

          I used to believe, like most people now, that my personality and identity was “set in stone” and that it would be that way my entire life. But now that I have grown and experienced more and more things, I have looked in the mirror, so to speak, and realized that I have had many different identities. If things are tense at home with my family, I’m more than likely to be on-edge and emotional. But if my household is drama-free, (an unlikely scenario) then I’m more than likely going to be friendly and more laid-back and carefree, it all just depends on the situation. So after self-reflection, I have realized that the notion that our identity is just one defined thing that will never change, is something I don’t believe at all, because it doesn’t apply to anyone that I know, and most importantly, it doesn’t apply to me.

The Real Me

She is hidden. No one knows the real her. If you listen and take the time to find out, you may look at
her differently. You may not see that she lived a trapped childhood. Abuse, neglect, not knowing who to turn to or what the next day would bring. Her cover was a smile. She wore it everyday through it all. She used to have so many friends. She never told them the truth, what was really going on. "Why do you have bruises all over?," she told them she was clumsy and they just laughed along with her. "How did you break your arm?," She told them she fell off her bike. She joined lots of sports and clubs to stay away from home. Even got multiple jobs when she was old enough. No matter how hard she laughed or tried to make it seem unreal, the monster was always at home waiting for her, ready to pounce. Even on the special occasions, birthdays, Christmas, Easter, she could never do anything right. She always turns back to the questions "Why me?, What did I do wrong?, Why do I deserve this?" One day it stopped. The monster was no longer in sight. She felt safe again but so traumatized. The therapy sessions and doctor appointments only got worse. She pushed everyone away even the ones closest to her. She was afraid to be hurt again.

I decided to really reveal myself. I feel like most people don’t actually know who I am and what I think about. I had my sister go out and take a picture of me. I look happy but I’m really not on the inside. I made it all black and white and put flowers around because those are supposed to be a sign of happiness. Black and white is supposed to be the darkness. The sad and alone is how I feel. I don’t have many friends and I’m alone and sad. I blurred myself  out to show that I’m hidden and shy. I put the bright, smiling, happy, sun over everything because I look happy to others.

In "The Personality Myth," podcast by invisibilia, they talk about describing people's personalities based on what they look like and who they are. If you are a prisoner, you are a bad person. If you cry a lot you are a baby. If you are happy you are always happy. They can do that by not looking at someone’s past. They also talked about looking at someone’s past and determining if someone can change, and if their past describes them.

In the podcast they went to a prison and talked to this prisoner named Dave I believe. He was trying to get TED Talks in prison. He seemed like a very nice person. They got to know each other and they never asked what Dave did to be in prison. They were very curious though because he was s nice, he didn’t seem like he could hurt a butterfly. One day they asked him. He had done some very bad things and they didn’t look at him the same. They stopped communication for awhile. Does Dave deserve to be categorized as a prisoner when he has obviously changed and truly regrets what he did? They judged him based on his past.

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. They put their past in the past, why can’t you? No matter what they did severe or not, people can change. I think people judge right away instead of getting to know the person. I know I have a bad habit of doing it and I know I’m not the only one. We are always taught to hold a grudge. We are never taught to forgive right away. I think if we learn how to forgive a little more, than everyone would be nicer, we wouldn’t be so easy to judge. We would be more understanding, maybe even have more empathy for certain situations instead of just sympathy.

self-portrait haillie hurst

Hated each other.

Went to a party.

Became friends.

Talked and hung out.

Became best friends.

Always with each other.

Never alone.

Became inseparable.

People say were best friends.

Ha!

We say we’re sisters.

         I chose this photo because it’s my best friend and I. i like this photo for this assignment because we're super close and it shows it. It also shows that we can never be serious me and her have a million photos together and this is the closest photo that we look any kind of serious. It shows that were goofy with each other and that were happy around one another. I also like it because me and her always have something on our faces whether it’s a filter, paint, glitter, etc. we always have something on our faces when we’re together. I think it fits cause not only is it a photo of my best friend and I but it shows how much we’re alike, how close we are, and how we are happy being around one another and we don’t care what people think.

          Romeo vitelli a doctor with a phd is psychology says that “social roles that we take on can change our personally”. He also says that “investing heavily in people can change the way that people think, feel and behave in general”. Having someone always around you can change your personally and it can change everything about you. They say that most the time it have a positive effect but sometime it can have a negative effect. There are many people that change your personality but so does everything around us. They say that traumatic events and changes can change your personality. “As our lives change, so do our personalities.”

          In the article the Personality myth they ask “can a persons personality change?” And they say that person can change their personality depending on the people and events they encounter. They also saying “it’s not what’s inside you but also what and who is around you.” Where you were at and who you are around can change your personality. people act differently around different people in different places they are. So what you doing who you’re with changes the personality of not just who you are but of the other person to.

          I believe that our personality changes depending on who we are around, what we are doing, and who you’re doing it with. I believe if you are around your parents you’re going to be an angel but if you’re with your friends you can cause trouble. It’s not a bad thing but depending on who you’re with and what you’re doing I believe that everyone changes because you put up a different personality for different people to get along with them. People change for the people and that’s a good thing but they also change for themselves and there could be a good thing and positive thing in my opinion but if they don’t want to change their not going to. I say our personalities change everyday little by little and they people we associate with have a big impact on our personality.

Destinys Self- Protrait

Music stops the thought-filled mind

Rationale

My flash fiction is music stops the thought filled mind and my picture is me with headphones in and it’s also black and white with flowers on my head because of a snapchat filter. The headphones show the process of the music stopping the thoughts going to your mind. Music gets you thinking about other things other than what’s actually on your mind. The black and white is the simple times compared to the new and complex times. The flowers represent the beauty because beauty can be in many forms it's just shown in the picture as beauty. It also represents the growth a person can make because the  way a flower grows can almost be compared to how a human grows. The headphones represent how you can block out distractions with the music you’re listening to. You don’t have to listen to anyone talk to you when you have your headphones in.

One pager

The average people either believe they have the same personality or have similar. They say you have similar personalities to the people you hang out with that’s why you end up clicking with them. They say your personality doesn’t really change through the years like many believe. Americans today tend to believe that each person with a similar personality will gravitate to someone that is similar to them or someone that is completely different from them due to how they see themselves or act. They say opposites attract in some groups you have different personalities but you always have some people that are pretty similar or each person has some kind of similar traits or personality. They say the way we react to certain things defines us as a person or our personality.

Freud believes that during a conflict we act upon what we feel and the way we control the urges define us as people and our personalities. He also believes that our egos are broken down into three parts and each one controls a different part of the brain.  

    Freud’s claim that during a conflict we feel and act upon our urges and that it defines us rests upon questionable assumption that some people know they are acting that way and some don’t. You run into the idea of people actually doing it on purpose or was it really an impulse. You tend to act the way you want to certain situations based on what your friends are doing or just whatever you want to do. Throughout different age groups there are always going to be different examples. In high school if your friend is skipping your impulse is to want to go with them and see what you could do outside of school, but you actually go to class so you don't get in trouble by your parents. All because there's a phone call home and they will know. Middle school you do the group projects and you really don’t want to do the assignment. Your impulse is going to be to not do it because you don’t care about your grades except when they get sent home and there is a bunch of missing assignments and you get in trouble. So you do the project so you don’t get in trouble.

                                                           City of Braves, I'm Never Scared   

My image... I was born in Atlanta,Ga and as yo know one of  our famous pro teams are the Atlanta Braves so its just a saying that we say down there, just what we've all learned growing up was even when your scared don't show any signs of weakness.                                 

                                                                          One Pager

      People feel that’s someone’s personality is just a thought. A persons actions mainly come from how that person is feeling at that time. Some would say that teens have the biggest personality changes because they’re at the stage where they’re trying to figure themselves out and see who they really are.

      I believe identities are formed by what you see is right or wrong and how you choose to let these situations effect your life. I know people who’ve been around the worst things and look at those situations and think of them as things they should stay away from or things they should never do in life. While other see those things, and think because they are surrounded by it that they must do the same or think it’s natural, not because it’s always the right decision but because it’s all they know. I always thought that you either learn from the mistakes being made around you or you let them control your actions and how your identity is formed. The last couple weeks we listened to audios and watched videos that made me believe that you can be the only person to truly form your identity and know who you are and what you want to be. How you chose to look at the situations and influences around you that will help you decide the results and outcomes of your life.

      I’ve always been a goofy and slightly intelligent person. I loved telling jokes and seeing others laugh and it just carried on with me through the years. I believe people never stay the same whether it’s mentally or physically so yes people can change. I used to be a troubled young person but now I’m all about sports and school. A person has total control over their own bias because it’s your own mind, appearance and body. I’ve learned that bias could be just a thing in people’s minds People would are locked up interact with biases the most I feel. I tend to judge people not because I purposely do it but because you always have thoughts going on in your head no matter who or what the situation is. I believe people can grow out of biases, the thing that stops people from getting away from a certain bias is the lack of intelligence on that subject.

Caleb Fairbanks self portrait

Everyone sees people. Just different pieces.

Artist message: I have gotten to know people at a good time in their life and they're good people. Then They get into a relationship, or get a job or a nice car and they change. I know this because i became one of those people. About a year and a half ago i got into a relationship. After about six months of this relationship i realized i didn't like who i was. I was rude, cocky and out of order, and i knew people saw it. I pushed the idea out of my head however. After a year i realized my relationship had went very wrong. I found out she was lying about very extreme things, things that were the main reason for my relationship still existing and stuff that was very bad. At that time i knew i had to get out, she would ruin my life, she would ruin my chances with The Marines and any chance of being happy. I saw what had happened the relationships i had ruined, friends and even family. I have worked. and worked. and worked. to get these people to give me a second chance and i don't blame a single person who hasn't given me another shot. So people see me, but the one's that know the real me, the one that doesn't just joke his way around a real conversation to avoid discomfort see the real and full me. They know why i got out, why the Marines mean so much to me and why that relationship almost killed a lot of my life, which adds another layer of depth.

One Pager: Self Portrait project

Average people in the United States seem to have a belief that a person has the same personality throughout life. People believe that who you are when you are young will dictate what/ who you will become. Basically if you are a good person, you will continue to be a good person you’re whole life, and the same for bad people or criminals.

            In the invisibilia podcast, Alex Spiegel talks about what she first thought of her idea to introduce TED talks into prisons. The first person she met was Dan, they seemed to get along and he seemed like a good guy, she later searched him up and found he was a convicted rapist. Her first thought about Dan was that for someone “to commit a terrible crime there must be something wrong with you.” This was caused by her initial bias about personality. She later learns that “What makes us, us isn’t always just our past personality". Another personality bias was discussed in the "Higher Education" article. Coach talks about how people change and that's why "Coach always gave second chances." Both sources show that personality should not be viewed as it is, as a set thing.
   I think that personalities can change. I'm a good example of how people can change. i've changed from someone who cared about all people and someone who tried to help everyone because i cared. Until i got into a relationship and became self centered. i stopped caring about others, i lost friends, even family because of the relationship. And now i am in the process of getting back to my old self.

See me

Flash Fiction:

Women, Muslim, Hijabi,

Heart, Brain, Soul,

Love, Pain, Loss…

Human.

Artist Statement :

In my self portrait I chose to express myself by painting a picture of a girl in a hijab who represents me. The hijab or scarf that I wear is who I am and represents me in many ways, it sets me apart from the rest of the group and gives me the confidence I need to strive and be who I am. But there are also downfalls of wearing the hijab. In my image I used fallen buildings and rubble to represent the pain, struggle, and hardship that I have faced. Not only did the rubble represent the fact of the biases that effect me but also the actual pain and sadness I feel that is always pushed to the background, I chose to put it in the background to show how I always push my struggles, pain, and hardship down and hide it with my outer facade of perfection and joy. It shows that even when the pain and the suffering comes through, it is always kept hidden in the background. I tied this part of my project to my flash fiction where I stated words that every person feels whether its love, loss, or pain and tied it with a Muslim women. Because of the stereotypes about Muslims that the media has created, so many Muslim women are degraded and feel this pain. That is what the rubble represents as well as the hardship that I have personally endured. The yellow flower that is covering my face in the self portrait shows the hope and love that me and all Muslim women have to push through, strive and never give up. I chose the color yellow for its brightness, joy, and feeling of hope.

One pager:

Majority of people have always thought that our personal feelings affect, and even determine the way we see things and therefore how we act in response. They also think that our personalities are who we are, that they can never change. The idea that ever since we were young we had our own personalities that have stayed the same even as we have grown older. Personality theory is a discussion that has been passed around for a very long time.

In Invisibilia’s podcast called “The Personality Myth” she talks about personality theory and the controversy within it. She began talking about personality theory by saying, “Your beliefs and morals manipulate everything you see.” At the end of the podcast Invisibilia goes back to this idea by explaining it a bit more, she talked about how as you grow and develop your beliefs and morals will change as well. She also states that once you re frame the idea you have in your head you can change the way you think. This contradicts Freud’s personality theory, he believed that when faced with a conflict between impulses to do whatever we feel like, and our restraint to control these urges defines who we are. The ideas of Id, ego, and superego, were Freud’s structural model. He thought that a person could only be one of these three structural models, and that was your personality.

Identities are formed through life lessons, and what people were raised around. Identity is very similar to personality, it's who you are. Everyone will see things in different ways, the whole world can't see out of only one lens, everyone has their own specialized lenses. I believe that people can change, with every situation you go through you will learn from what happened and that changes people's mindsets. People grow and develop every day, physically and mentally. Just like Invisibilia said in her podcast about “The Personality Myth”, “When the stuff inside your mind changes, people change.” You don't really have much control over your identity, as people go through life every day they will see, and hear new things that lead them to change in some way, this affects their identity and helps them further adapt to be who they are. Bias is something that everyone in this world has, no  matter who you are or what you believe in you have a bias towards something. There are so many people who are in denial of their biases and don't want to admit they exist or they don't want to push to fix those biases. I have seen bias in many ways, being a Muslim women there are so many people who have implicit and non implicit biases within them based on how the media portrays Muslims. They are bias towards me either because I look different or because I am Muslim. It is possible to fight off some types of biases and change them, but as a human race we will always have biases. Based on what we hear and what we see we obtain biases we don't even know we have. Like the idea that dark chocolate is gross even though you have never tried it. Your bias is that it's gross because that's what people tell you, that's what you have been acquainted to so it's the implicit bias you have within you.